Today’s guest post is from a lovely lady I met at Blogher13 a few weeks ago. She’s written a book about attitude reconstruction and I thought some of her ideas might be helpful to parents and teens to alleviate feelings of stress.
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The college application process can feel overwhelming. Successfully completing this task requires breaking big jobs down into small doable pieces, dealing with the fear, keeping your thoughts constructive, and staying focused on what is in front of you today.
Find a buddy
Regardless of how involved your parents are in the process, find a buddy who also needs support and help each other. This will counter feelings of isolation. Decide how often you’ll check in to keep motivated, set up a regular time, and follow through. Offer each other appreciations for tasks completed and use this as a time to get clear on your next steps.
Outline your goals
Start the application process by outlining your goal in getting a higher education. Then identify potential schools that meet your qualifications. Assemble a list by going to the library, meeting with school counselors, or tapping into other resources, such as college guides. If this seems too daunting, do your research in small blocks of time. For example, make an appointment to talk with someone one day, visit a campus, or gather information by surfing the Internet for a half hour at a time (or even less). When your list is complete, select your chosen schools.
Make a checklist
Next, request applications from those schools. Make a checklist to keep track of each school’s submission deadlines and requirements. The checklist should include all applications, essays, recommendations, transcripts, etc. Fill out one application at a time, one question at a time, using pre-established work blocks.
Recognize when you are overwhelmed
Attend to what’s in front of you to avoid becoming overwhelmed. Whenever you start to feel anxious, stop and shiver like a dog at the vet or a leaf on a tree, all up and down your spine to move the fear energy out of your body. This will just take a minute or two, and though it seems strange at first, its effects are undeniable.
Address the stress in a positive way
If you realize that sadness, anger, and fear are just pure sensations in the body (emotion = E + motion), then you can give yourself permission to express those emotions physically and constructively. With just a bit of crying (sadness), stomping or pounding (anger), or shivering (fear) the emotion will move out of your body and you’ll be washed clean. It feels great and sets the stage for more clarity and the ability to take action.
While shivering, after shivering, and whenever you focus on the application process, interrupt your negative thoughts about how overwhelming this task is and replace them by repeating one or two personal truths that contradict your old thinking, such as “I can do this,” “I’m doing this for me,” “One step at a time,” or “I can do this.”
Do little steps each day. Keep using your checklist. As you proceed, praise yourself regularly for each little accomplishment. When you complete all the requirements, double check that each item is just the way you’d like. Maybe have your buddy or an adult read your final package before sending. Be open to feedback but make sure it feels right to you be implementing other people’s suggestions. When it feels complete (and before the deadline) mail it off, knowing you’ve done your best. Now let go, pat yourself on your back, and just wait to see what tomorrow brings.
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Jude Bijou, MA, MFT, is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her theory of Attitude Reconstruction® evolved over the course of more than 30 years working with clients as a licensed marriage and family therapist, and is the subject of her multi award-winning book, Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life. Learn more at http://www.AttitudeReconstruction.com. Take a free survey to determine what emotion is keeping you from being your best and learn practical ways to create the life your desire.